I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize