does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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