walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
