he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I don't deserve a penis
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
