I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
