i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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