I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
