Whod you bang
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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