i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
