my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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