You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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