dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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