we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
