Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
