never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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