my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
