Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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