she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
