If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
