Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize