adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
