its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
...so i touched it.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
