You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Found the puke drawer
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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