Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
