i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
