come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
