by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
