Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So much rum. So many feels.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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