I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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