whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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