I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
