Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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