Don't you send me to vm
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
