I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize