the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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