I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
