I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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