Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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