why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
