I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Barsexuality is the new black.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
