You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize