You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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