Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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