the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize