I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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