I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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