I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize