I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
