I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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