I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
