if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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