I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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