if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
