So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she told me i tasted like america
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
