just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He felt like a one man threesome
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
