I must be too annoying 4 u.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you made out with another girl for some wings
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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