"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
