I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
