haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
