I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
