yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize