just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize