If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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