Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
