After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
