Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
it hurts more in the daytime
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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