i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
