she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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