You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
