I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
