i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
