mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
