I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
A+ Viking dick
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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