Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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