i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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