she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
