They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
