Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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