you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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