Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
