Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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