Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
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