My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Bring me that man meat
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
