I just made out with a guy for $7.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Randomize
