Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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