We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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