i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
