I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
