this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
