drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize