I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
