I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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