Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
