I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
