my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
