True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
