I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
