He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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