if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
