In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
