I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My vagina is officially offended.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
