new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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