I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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