Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
